Brand New Me!

Hi everyone! This is my 1st post of the New Year, the new decade! I know I haven't been very consistent with posting. However, that is all done change this year!  A lot has happened since the last time I made a post. I couldn't get myself to be able to make post because of the depressive state that I had gotten into.  I have gotten so that I had allowed myself to focus on how I thought others perceive to me. I almost didn't complete my semester well. However, I went to my school's counselor and I realize that I have a whole lot more to be proud about.  I ended up putting my focus back on myself and all my work and I actually ended up the semester with them higher GPA and making it on to the Dean's list with honors. I was very proud of myself when I saw this at the end of the semester. I realized that it doesn't matter how people feel about me that are at school. I have people I have family at home that truly care about me and are trying to make a way for me to be in school right now. I honestly shouldn't be able to go to school because I'm honestly attending with only scholarships and payment plans and that's the only way I am able to go to school. My parents are helping me pay for school by taking control of the payment plan while I am a full time student.  I am very grateful for them because I know they are other students that don't have people to support them like I do and I'm so thankful for my parents.  And don't get me wrong, my family we are not even close to being rich. We are on the lower part of middle class and we have to struggle from day-to-day but my parents make this happen because they know and education will lead to a good life for me. And that's why I made up in my mind that I was going to focus on my studies and focus on my grades to make sure that their sacrifice is not in vain.  There has been personal things going on, like my grandmother passing away 3 days before Christmas, having to help with  Her funeral, and then starting back to school for a new semester. When I came back to campus, I  Made the conscious decision to not worry about what others thought of me.  So I saw have to see the same people every day but as different you know. I honestly do not care if they decide to do stuff without me. I don't care How they feel about me. I don't even care and they speak to me at all. I'm done with putting my value in someone else's hands.  I still speak to them and I still sit with them when I eat in the cafe. 

 When I don't worry about any while like I did  Before . This is made me happier.  I am OK with being alone. My next goal is to speak up for myself.  I have had to do that a little bit this  Semester and I really need work. I don't like it when I have to say something that might make someone else mad at me, bank I'm making excuses, or that I know just doesn't want to listen to what I have to say. I had to do something today and I was sitting there nervous than I was just not wanting to do what I had to do in the situation ended up better than what I could even imagine. I'm gonna get better very soon I'm actively trying to better myself every day. I started a new bullet journal for 2020.  I like bullet journaling because you can make it your own and believe me when I say I'm not an artist so I looked at some other people on pinterest or on YouTube and I wasn't very confident that I could do it but I did it and I'm liking it so far. I wasn't very consistent with it in 2019. That is also another thing I working on, being more consistent with things. This time is different because I added some things to my bullet journal that are making me eager to actually do it. I mean fun to do every night! I use it as part of my relaxing time. I have gotten so much the in such a short amount of time that I can't wait to see what the rest of this semester holds, let alone the rest of the year!😊 I'm also starting to read more. Reading is not something that I used to enjoy doing. But I know that it is important for learning.  And I wanna be a smart as I can possibly be . I wanna be able to hold a conversation with anyone and not feel stupid or that I don't know anything. I believe when my dad says that twenny twenny is going to be a great year and possibly The best year to date. For me, this is the start of a brand new future. This is the  beginning to a brand new me.

http://www.picturequotes.com/today-is-a-brand-new-beginning-for-me-quote-447755